MEMORIZATION

Dear musicians,
Do you prefer to play by memorization? Or play with sheet music?

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I'm preparing for exam and until exam, three days left.
So today, my friend and I tested own piece with our accompaniment in front of some friends.

Before some important performance, such as exam or competition, my saxophone studio have a testing concert but this time, we couldn't have one :(
However, my pianist asked me to have testing performance and that's why we could play.


Then, I tried to play without sheet music.

Last time's rehearsal, I played some melodies without music stand and it was better than before!
And after the rehearsal, I practiced for memorize entire music and it was ok.
Actually, it is not difficult for me to memorize a whole piece because I am good memory.lol
Also, I thought it is easier for me to express the music without sheet music.
I mean, it made me feel easier to dive into the music.

I prepared and it was ok.


So, do you guess what happened the testing performance?


I couldn't focus on the music.

I just focused on some technical stuff and it didn't work well.

I couldn't dive into the music and couldn't feel drive the music.

Technique is important to express the music, however, it is not THE MOST IMPORTANT stuff for playing.
The most important point is, to express view of the music.
What I feel from this music, what kind of view I saw from this music... and so on.
For expressing these points, technique is necessary but it is JUST a factor, you know?

While I playing, I was overwhelmed, like,,,, "oh, I practiced this part a lot of times", "it is very difficult point but I can do!", "what is next note??".... and so on.


I want to ask myself, DID COMPOSER WROTE THESE STUFF AND YOU WANT TO DESCRIBE THESE KIND OF EMOTION????

Of course not.
I was just not good enough to perform by memorization.

If I saw a score and play, I could have performed well? -I don't know.
If I focused on, I could have played well? -I don't know!!


Few days ago, I read a book written by famous Japanese violinist, Mariko Senju, and she recommends to play by memory.
Also, so many famous violinists and pianists are playing all pieces by memory.

If I want to become a soloist, I should play by memory and I should try it.


However, here is THE MOST important point: what the main purpose is to express what I want to play.


Memorization is just one of option to perform.
It is not the main purpose of playing.

If I can express the music, it is ok to see a score or without a score.

Even if it is a requirement for becoming soloist to play without score, I still need to see a score to perform.
And it is badder if I can't express anything.

Today's performance, I was just playing like machine. Push/release tone halls and blew the air.

Is this truly what I want to do? Of course not!

All I want to do is play music.

For doing this, I will put music stand and perform.

No big deal. Just do it for my main purpose.


...As you guess(?), I am frustrated. Very frustrated.
But it is good for me to understand I was not good enough to do it and I need to prepare by doing something other practice way to play by memorization.
I don't know how. I think I will figure out.


Ok, I'll prepare for exam for all I can do.


...It's hard for me to describe what I feel in English, but thank you so much for reading this!